MY KIND OF LOVE IS NOT A CHOICE I MADE.

Can we really choose our sexual orientation or is our sexual orientation already built within our DNA?  I can’t answer that question on a scientific level but I can certainly answer it based on my life experiences.

Let’s start as far back as I can remember.  I can’t pin point the exact moment that I realized that I was attracted to other men but I always knew that this was part of my being.  I wasn’t forced to choose my sexual attraction to other men – I was forced to simulate to what was around me and what other people thought was ‘normality’.  Society, religion and family forced heterosexuality upon me.  I grew up thinking that my attraction to other men was wrong because it was an unacceptable behavior in our society based mainly on religious beliefs.

So as a child – I was already being forced to accept other people’s ideas of what they thought was right.  I was told that my purpose in life was to get an education, get a good job, find a women, get a house, get married and start a family.  This was what was considered ‘normal’.  It wasn’t until I was a pre-teen that these ideas seemed wrong for me, especially the idea of being in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex.  That notion seemed completely against who I was – it wasn’t an authentic feeling.

Needless to say, I lived my life for the benefit of making other people happy.  I dated girls because it was what I had to do not what I felt.  Don’t get me wrong, I loved women but not in a sexual way.  For me, women were nurturing, emotional, great conversationalists, beautiful and loving.

When I began my journey into manhood, I realized that my life of lies, deceit and self-hate were only hurting me.  How can I love others if I don’t even love and respect myself?  I began my life of authenticity – it was a long and painful process.  I had to really look within and start being honest with myself.  I had to release all of the internal homophobia I learned from society, religion and family and then start living my life from love.  This was a struggle and continues to be a struggle but it in the end – it had to happen.

No one can tell you that you must love a certain person.  Love and attraction just happens naturally.  It is something that you can’t choose – I didn’t choose my sexuality, it was chosen for me.  As I said above, I was forced to assimilate to what was considered to be ‘normal’ and was stripped of an authentic part of who I was.

I love who I am today.  I love that I found a path that is in line of who I was meant to be.  I love being an individual with my own thoughts and ideas and I love that I no longer have to hide who I love.  I gained emotional scars throughout my journey but I have learned to love and cherish those beautiful scars because they have shaped me in becoming the person I am today – and I LOVE that person.

Don’t conform to what others tell you – look within and listen to the authenticity that lives within you, that authenticity should guide you in all the endeavors your life’s path will take you on.

Together, we can make the world a more positive one!

 

 

One thought on “MY KIND OF LOVE IS NOT A CHOICE I MADE.

  1. Having mirrored your journey, Rob, I applaud you for sharing this. I am warmed to learn that you love yourself. This is an outcome to which I aspire.
    Many of us *are* choosing to make the world a more positive one. Here’s to our collective contributions and successes!

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